Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Another conquering post

This time conquering my over whelmed ness feeling!!!  I am not a natural cleaner/tidier upper.  AT ALL.  I can happily find other things I'd rather do.  Except since taking redundancy I have found that I don't find other things to do.  I feel so over whelmed that I don't do - at all.  This does not make me a happy bunny.  It's as though I feel guilty that I can't have fun, but I look at the piles of stuff and don't know where to start.  So I go to bed disappointed that I didn't achieve more.  I know many of you won't get this, I don't want help - the anxiety when people offer is way over the top (I get this, but can't change it at this time), I need to do it myself.  I CONFESS I AM A HOARDER (I blame Grandma B- I got her hoarder tendencies and her love of the seaside).

Now I know what I am about to tell you will make some of you smile, scoff or be unbelieving but you know what- So be it.  I am about to tackle myself.  I have a plan, to be explained in a moment.

You may or may not know (you should as most of my followers are my friends in real life) my Hubby has MS.  He's just turned 40 and we've been aware of it for 10 years (oh, Happy Anniversary love!).  In fact it's probably 10 years to the week - wow.  Now, my feelings of MS are complicated.  We both agree that if he'd not had MS and lost his job (he worked away at sea on board a ship) we doubt we'd still be married.  We hated being apart and I struggled to adapt when he was away and when he got home (oh, the hindsight of the problems we thought we had!).  So on the one hand I can't hate his MS but on the other, god I hate it.  I hate what it's taken from us.  I miss walking the dog together (though he quite happily likes this when it's raining, heh love!), hate not being able to walk side by side holding hands, hate that we can't plan anything as he might be too tired to do it - and breathe..........., so my point here, is that I have do everything by myself- now again, nothing new to many of you, but I am doing it myself for 2 people, when I struggle to do it for myself only (If you are sitting there tutting to yourself then please keep it to yourself, I am being honest about me).  So all of H's stuff will be piled up so he can sort it when he's sat in his chair (Yes, we each have a set spot to sit in the living room - please tell me this is the norm!).  So I need to learn that I am allowed to have fun and spend time doing things I love, without the guilt I should be doing something else.

Anyway, this is not an MS bashing post ( I could do oodles of those if I fancied it :-)).  It's a taking me in hand post.  I am now working on a 20 min breakups of my day.  I figure I can focus on one thing for 20 mins until the overwhelmness has gone and I feel on top of things again.  So my day is broken down into 20 min chunks.  20 mins of housework/20mins of doing something fun/housework etc.  I have made a start (albeit later in the day than I would have done if I had thought of it earlier :-))

So here goes

10.00-10.40 Placing a Internet Shopping Order
10.40 - 11.00 Playing with Anni B
11.00-11.20 Washing Up (there is still a mountain)
11.20-11.40 Blog post writing (this one, 2 mins left)
11.40-12.0 0 one pile of stuff/junk/treasures in living room
12.03-1.00 Lunch hour
1.00-1.40 Ironing
1.40-2.00 Blogging (reading and adding to mine)
2.00- 3.00 Catching up with a friend
3.00 - 3.30  Dog Walking
3.30- 4.00 Ok, I admit, I then vegged out for 30 minutes
4.00-  Washing up, making tea, playing with Anni, spending time with H.

and RELAX - well I need to pack up some parcels, wrap some presents, make some cards, crochet a blanket for Anni B so it's not a sitting on sofa kind of evening!

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