First time

After the rush of clearing and tidying last week, I am having a softer week this week.  It has been a mostly sunny day today and sometimes being in the house, I forget to enjoy the outdoors.  In my disappointment that we don't have a garden as such, I forget that I do have outdoor space which I can still enjoy.

This afternoon, after doing the bits of housework I needed to do to keep up with last week, I decided to sit outside with my knitting.   Now I have never even thought of crafting outside!!!  I read other blogs with envy when I see people sat outside crocheting or knitting - nope, it has never entered my head to do the same thing until today!!!!!  D'oh.  The sun was shining, washing was drying on the line - bliss.  Anni even came out to join me........

I love the shadow of the washing

The sky was so blue, the photo below does not do it justice really.  There were less clouds when I settled down with my knitting.

I'm not arty farty with my photos.  But I do love the old and the new below.  This bench is just outside the back door and has taken a lot of bums in it's time!!  Our back yard gets the sunshine in the late afternoon and evening and is a real sun trap.  Indeed, by late afternoon it is often too hot to sit out there.

The sunshine really shows the true colours that I have chosen for this blanket.  I am desperate to get it long enough so I can add a border.  I have AGES before it needs to be handed over (it's for Christmas) but I am enjoying seeing it grow and really want to get it to the next stage.  I hope to have more hand crafted gifts to give this year, so I must start thinking of what else I can create.

 Erm, I think I need to work on my tan.  It doesn't feel that we have had an over abundant amount of sunshine so far this year and I don't really tan.  I do draw the line at pasty white legs though so I do need to remember to sit outdoors more often so that I do not embarrass myself on holiday!

Anni gets spooked by ANY little noise and runs inside and cries at the top of the stairs. She's been like this since we first got here.  She is more relaxed in the front yard - but that is on a busy main road and I don't like sitting out there with her too much as I have to keep watching her like a hawk (just in case).  We have tried shutting the door behind us, so she has to sit in the garden with us but after 20 mins of crying we give up and she's back inside.  I had music playing today but still wasn't ok with Anni :-(

This is the last photo I got before she pushed me out of the way to get back inside.  No idea, what spooked her at this point as it was quiet.  She does have a habit of standing by the gates staring into nothing and will quite happily stand there for 20 minutes- usually at bed time!!  Unless we want to sit outside and enjoy the quiet..... c'mon hubby a glass of something in the back yard when you get home would be perfect.

Making me HAPPY this week

Making me happy this week.


1) Finishing this book.  YIPHEE.

OMG.  It's taken me over 11 months to finish this book - this is unheard of.  I bought it at the airport last year as my treat to take on holiday.  I was so excited to read it, then I started it.  Sorry Dawn, it just didn't work for me.  Maybe my expectations were too high - but I didn't laugh once.  I nearly cried a few times - it just never ended.  Now, I do not like a book to beat me.  Indeed, there are only 3/4 books that I have never finished.  ("Robinson Crusoe" lives under the bath panel, "Mr Pip" - started about 5 years ago, just found in a pile - added back to the try again pile, something about a man and a devil, "The Book of Dave" - so very nearly finished but not been touched for many a year).

I just don't like books beating me.  For many a year, I'd keep going as books weren't going to beat me.  Then I decided life was too short and if I was really struggling, I could give up - but I have to REALLY not like it to allow myself to fail.

Still I "won" this time.  Now, any suggestions of what to read next?

2) Tidying the house.  I have been on a real tidy session this week.  Bags to the charity shop, bags in the bin and recycling (paper bin full up).  I am a hoarder but am trying to do something about it.  When I look at any object my natural inclination is to put it to one side, "I may need it later".  Well I am putting in a lot of effort to bin/charity/recycle or keep each item.  To be fair, I have spent time tidying out cupboards to fill with things I am not ready to make a decision about but I have made a start.

3) Spending time with my family.  Never a bad thing - shush Mum!


4) The first time a friend comes to stay - ok, so I am nearly 40 but am still excited to have a sleep over.........  and it made me clean and tidy (nearly) the entire house.  I must invite people for tea whilst it is clean and tidy.  Anyone for tea?  I may even bake a cake!!!!


5) Anni not being scared when said friend came to stay.  There was a little bit of Grrrr -ing but quickly gotten over.  Anni then became very friendly - I do so hope that this is a sign of things to come.

Dilemma

To do or not to do.

I started knitting a blanket when it was colder.  I intended to knit whilst it was cool and then put it away and start again when it gets cool again.  It's going to be single bed sized for a little boy, for Christmas.  The only problem is that I put it down whilst it was still cool and have since picked it up again.  Only problem it is no longer cool.  My knitting time is usually after tea when we are watching something on the tv and boy do I get hot.

Now I fully realise this is the point where I should be putting it down  and working on something else.  I know this, truly I do.  But I just want to get the main bit knitted, then I will be happy to put it aside and work on the borders to be added later.  I think!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  What do you knit when it gets warm?

I think my dilemma will be helped when I learn to crochet more, so I can attempt new things - I hope!!!!!

Blanket so far below.  I was asked for yellow and green.  It the photo it looks more blue.  I intend to border it in a spring green colour so I hope I have enough of the 2 colours of L's room.

Will I ever learn to  do the ends whilst I go?

Spring Cleaning

I am in the midst of a spring clean - what do you mean it's no longer spring????  I am going room to room and clearing as much as  possible.  I hope, that this means when we are ready to sell our house, I will have already achieved a large part of what needs to be done so I will find it easier later on.

Now, I am too ashamed to show you before photos but I may take some after shots.  The only thing that I find disheartening is that it looks worse than before I started!!!  I started in the living room and although it is tidier there are still piles of stuff waiting to be put away.

Now I am in the dining room.  45 minutes to tidy my bureau - I am trying to make a decision with each item - bin/charity/keep (& put away).  I may have underestimated how long the whole house is going to take me :-).

If I can get both rooms finished and add the kitchen and spare room this week then I will be a happy bunny.  I suspect our bedroom and attic will remain junk rooms for a little longer though!!!!

Making me HAPPY last week

I am purposely late this week.  I had decided not to post that the horror of last week was too great and that I didn't have anything to post.

But then, Anni made me smile and H and I are ok.

So those are my 2 things.  Hopefully normal service for H and I at least will resume this week.

Urghhhh and feeling better

This week has been a real struggle.  Apart from my last post, I have also been full of cold, we needed food ( think 2 nights in a row of takeaways - at one point that would have made me happy, but not anymore), and sad news from a friend (massive hugs).

Is it me, or does bad news, bad feelings seem to attract more bad/sad news???

I was feeling down by last evening, we had no fresh food, bread, milk in the house.  I'd eaten 1 meal a day for 3 days to keep us going for as long as possible (and I wasn't hungry before anyone thinks I am a martyr).  I'd gone through too many toilet rolls blowing my nose.  I was in a bad mood with the MS - it REALLY gets to me when I am sick as there is no one to help (my parents were on holiday).  When H is sick, I can pop out and buy anything we need, when I am sick, we make do and mend!!!!!

 Anyway as he arrived home last night I used up my ounce of energy to get to the car and we went to our local shops (I was determined we would not have more takeaway).  Oh my gosh, you can tell I was ill, I spent £30 on junk food to get us through the weekend.  I never do that anymore, I now love my fruit and making meals.  But my basket was full of junk to get us through the weekend, in case I still didn't feel well.  Of course, I've woken up this morning and feel a lot better, go figure.  Must be that family sized box of shortbread we started last night :-)  Let's just see if my voice holds out or we may need another box!!!!!!!!!

By later in the evening I was itching to craft.  I am knitting a blanket for a Christmas present for little L who is 2.  I want to get the main body of the blanket done so I can take it up to my local craft shop to pick the wool for the border.  Boy was it a struggle last night.  I was desperate to do something, but every bit of me ached.  Still I proved that my mind is stronger then my body and I managed a little bit - then I ate more shortbread!!!!


PS H knows me so well.  He came home with a bag of Giant chocolate buttons - what else would cheer me us so easily :-)

PPS Last night we had sarnies for tea!!

PPS Anni has been a star.  Desperate for a walk but knowing that there was no way I could manage it she's happily curled up by my side/at my feet - she loves feet (apparently it is a lab thing???).  She's in for a treat today when my parents come down and we pop into the local woods.  She loves it in there.

No winners

Sorry for the lack of posts but I am not feeling very happy at the moment.  I did dither whether to post anything at all but have decided that if you are to blog you should be open and honest and no-one is ever just happy go lucky.  I'm thinking that most of us have negatives in our lives.

Saying that I am not going into too many details as you never know who is listening!!!

I am however feeling sad, disappointed, angry, frustrated and generally fed up.  One of H's brothers has attacked us on FB on a private message (PM).  Now copying the entire family into it makes a PM a complete joke but what do I know.  It amazes me that the attack is so one sided, all "my" faults, oh to be so perfect - must be a difficult life.

It frustrates me that whatever we do now will be wrong so we have decided rightly or wrongly to do nothing, say nothing, not reply at all.  This does mean there is a real possibility that the family will no longer exist in the future again and that saddens me.

I am also so angry that I can let other people make me feel so bad when I have not done anything wrong.  To intentionally go out of your way to hurt someone, well is that someone we need in our lives??????

Anyone got that rather famous watch that says "Don't let the buggers get you down"?  I think I could do with a copy................

Making me HAPPY this week

What on earth happened to the glorious weather?  I thought we were in for weather better than Brazil???  Maybe better than the rain forest - boy is it raining.

Making me happy this week (in no particular order);

1)  Celebrating our 17th wedding anniversary yesterday.  We had a lovely meal in a pub.  We had decided to have a bottle of fizz but they'd run out :-( (and I'm not paying £50 for the proper stuff).  Note the new dress - G he loved it (phew).

2) Meeting up with S and C for lunch in Leeds.  I do get frustrated that it takes me 2 hours to get into Leeds and home again for an hour's lunch.  I do understand that people have a lunch hour and I don't mind usually, but it can get frustrating.  I haven't seen C and S for ages so happy this time.  I know it sounds like I am moaning (I am!) but it costs me nearly £5 just to use the bus (daily), so I try and make sure I have other things to do whilst in Leeds.


3) Meeting G for lunch in Huddersfield.  It was actually sunny so we sat outside in the sunshine for lunch.  Wish we could do this more often in this country.

4) A bit of bling.  When we got engaged we couldn't afford an engagement ring in white gold.  They were so expensive over 17 years ago.  So we chose another ring (which I love) but we always said one day.......  one day was yesterday - though he forgot and I had to ask him where my present was (at 10pm at night - I think I was very restrained).

5)  I love that Anni B is finally getting more touchy feely.  She loves time with H.  Every morning she climbs onto his lap and has a cuddle and she now allows us to have a short cuddle from time to time.

17 years ago today

17 years ago today I changed my name.  I left one behind , Miss B and became Mrs A.

I remember that on the way to the wedding, we saw H's parents in their wedding car waving madly at us.  My Dad turned to me and said "It's not too late to change your mind".  Thanks Dad, love you.

The moment we saw each other.  I was nice and calm until they opened the doors at the back of the room to walk down the aisle, then my leg (just the one) started shaking and I wanted to leg it!!!!

Can you recognise anyone?  (Obviously, to those who know me, as otherwise it'd be silly!)

I have to agree that uniforms rock!

One of my fav photos below.

I loved my dress, absolutely adored it. Yet, I would never have bought it without the lady in the bridal shop.  I tried a few on and wasn't blown away with any of them.  Then the Lady suggested that she had a couple I might like and they turned into my dress and my second choice.  I was so panicky the night before, absolutely certain it wouldn't fit and in the end, H could have probably worn it with me!!!

I'm thinking I'll be in trouble if either of the bridesmaids finds my blog!!!!

New York 5

Our last morning :-(  Another glorious day of blue skies and sunshine.  Knowing out flight was late in the evening we were a little worried about how the travel would affect H's MS so after breakfast he went back to bed whilst N and I did a little more shopping.

Final View of New York

We checked out at 12, took H for his last minute shopping and lunch and then decided rather than sit in the hotel reception killing time we'd walk back to the bus and get back to the airport to see if we could check the bags.  I am so glad we did.  We got on a bus (just), our stop was the first stop, and by the time we were at the second stop it was full.  I'm not sure if anyone ever got on at the 3rd stop and the queue waiting was huge.

The journey back to the airport was uneventful.  Much easier than getting to JFK a few years ago.

The only thing I found stressful is getting through security.  I mean, we get to go down the fast pass lane with the wheelie BUT we then have to get everything into boxes to go through the X-Ray machine.  I had to sort myself and H and take off his shoes etc all the time getting shouted up to hurry up I was slowing the lines down etc.  Not sure how much quicker I could have done it without ripping one of his feet off - that might have been quicker if a little messier!!!!

The flights home were great, the cabin crew, especially the chap looking after our section were fabulous.  Couldn't have offered more help to H if he'd tried.

 We might have been sad to be leaving (she was joking - I think!), or feeling silly (he'd had a Stella!!!).

Someone may have been told that her Bacardi was at risk if she feel asleep so she came up with a nifty solution :-)

Not sure why the bloke in the baseball hat was so grumpy!

By the time we arrived back home I think we were all knackered.  I managed to stay awake until about 7pm before sofa sleeping.  H and I are already saving to go back.

PS I fell in love with a product whilst in NY.  I was trying to be so good, but I was pushing the wheelchair for miles each day so I wasn't too worried.  I accidentally found the following and ate 2 packets whilst in NY and another packet the second we unpacked...........  I think it's a good job I am not American, I would have packets of this in my cupboards.

Anyone going to America want to send me a bag - I found them in CVS Pharmacy but they could be anywhere - just waiting for me................... :-)

Making me HAPPY this week

I had a good week this past week but weddings deserve to have all the best points of your week don't they!!!!

1)  M and A's wedding.  Congratulations to the pair of you. May the rest of your lives together be very happy and full of adventure and cake!

2) We actually made the wedding.  It was touch and go for a little while in the afternoon and I got myself ready in about 4 minutes flat.  But we made it.

3) Crafting for the wedding.  Every new bride needs a reminder of her new name from time to time.

4)  It was raining ALL DAY, and when I say raining it was horrendous.  Then as the bride came out of the church it was sunny and stayed so all evening.  Talk about timing.

5) Family having fun.  Can you beat it?

and I could have watched the lights for ages - but then I went and got another drink!

New York 4

Our last full day in New York and for the first time it is a little overcast and the forecast is rain.  Today we have planned to go to Top of the Rock and Central Park and nothing is going to stop us.

First stop is the Rockefeller Center (had to change the spelling to the American, since we were in NY but it took 2 attempts!!).  Now I have been here with my Mum in November a few years ago and I was impressed by the views over Central Park (albeit in Winter) so was eager to see it again.  I had to ask for the disabled entrance as I couldn't find a way in without steps but we got there.  This was the only time we got preferential treatment due to the wheelchair (except for flights) and it worked well.  We were directed to a sales desk on the same level as we were (I was a little jealous that everyone else had to go down a fabulous spiral staircase to get their tickets) and then directed to a private elevator to get to the next level.  On this level we had to go through metal detector's - erm, the one set up for wheelchairs needs to be a little wider - I don't THINK I damaged it!!!!!!!  Then into another elevator (no queues) and we were off.  I find the fast elevator a little off putting, but when you step out at the first stop and turn left you are immediately hit with views of Central Park.

Then onto the next level and views over the other side of the building (our hotel was just by the Empire State Building).

 I love the architecture of this building.

Do you see "Not the Empire State Building" hiding behind the MetLife building below?? I love that building, it's on my list of things to see next time we go to New York (Pretty please let there be a next time)

Then onto the top level - can you tell it was a little cold and windy?????  He's such a wuss.

but then it got to our hair so it was time to go!!!!

A quick hot chocolate break and on to Central Park.  I love that we were in the city for Spring and fabulous flowers.

A quick drink and onto Tiffany's for a new charm for my bracelet.  Now I love Tiffany's and have always wanted to visit here so I think I was a little tired and wasn't really bothered - Grrrrrrrrrr.  So you can imagine my happiness when I noticed that H was missing his bag.  Turns out he'd left it in the Gents in Central Park.  Now we think we know who took it (no it wasn't there when we got back) but there you go, such is life.  H should agree one thing though - he is a MUPPET (yes you H).

Anyway, by the time we'd gone back to check for his bag my hands were so painful from the wheelchair handles that I was not in a happy place- until we got back to the hotel and had a glass of wine or two in the bar.  Then the world suddenly seemed a little better :-)

On our last night we went to a fabulous bar/restaurant across the road from the hotel.  Now the only reason I chose it was it had a ramp and it was so close.  I was prepared to be disappointed after the bar of the first night but boy were we in for a surprise.  We ended up in Brendans and we were all more than happy.  You go in through a bar but then the room opens up into a fabulous restaurant.  We all enjoyed our meals and agreed we wished we'd tried it on the first night.

Can anyone tell me why none of us thought to go up the Empire State Building to see the city by night??  I blame tiredness as I have no other excuses.

April Round up

Ok,ok this one is a LITTLE lot late.  Well we were in New York at the time so I didn't feel too bad about missing it out.  Now, I wish I had done it sooner - just what did we get up to in April????????

From Left: Only Dads take the path with a huge hill (and no path) at the end, yes she does need a hand Dad, Moody skies, On way to airport, at airport hotel, and just a little excited!!!!

There was virtually no crafting - now that can't be allowed to happen again!!!

Another conquering post

This time conquering my over whelmed ness feeling!!!  I am not a natural cleaner/tidier upper.  AT ALL.  I can happily find other things I'd rather do.  Except since taking redundancy I have found that I don't find other things to do.  I feel so over whelmed that I don't do - at all.  This does not make me a happy bunny.  It's as though I feel guilty that I can't have fun, but I look at the piles of stuff and don't know where to start.  So I go to bed disappointed that I didn't achieve more.  I know many of you won't get this, I don't want help - the anxiety when people offer is way over the top (I get this, but can't change it at this time), I need to do it myself.  I CONFESS I AM A HOARDER (I blame Grandma B- I got her hoarder tendencies and her love of the seaside).

Now I know what I am about to tell you will make some of you smile, scoff or be unbelieving but you know what- So be it.  I am about to tackle myself.  I have a plan, to be explained in a moment.

You may or may not know (you should as most of my followers are my friends in real life) my Hubby has MS.  He's just turned 40 and we've been aware of it for 10 years (oh, Happy Anniversary love!).  In fact it's probably 10 years to the week - wow.  Now, my feelings of MS are complicated.  We both agree that if he'd not had MS and lost his job (he worked away at sea on board a ship) we doubt we'd still be married.  We hated being apart and I struggled to adapt when he was away and when he got home (oh, the hindsight of the problems we thought we had!).  So on the one hand I can't hate his MS but on the other, god I hate it.  I hate what it's taken from us.  I miss walking the dog together (though he quite happily likes this when it's raining, heh love!), hate not being able to walk side by side holding hands, hate that we can't plan anything as he might be too tired to do it - and breathe..........., so my point here, is that I have do everything by myself- now again, nothing new to many of you, but I am doing it myself for 2 people, when I struggle to do it for myself only (If you are sitting there tutting to yourself then please keep it to yourself, I am being honest about me).  So all of H's stuff will be piled up so he can sort it when he's sat in his chair (Yes, we each have a set spot to sit in the living room - please tell me this is the norm!).  So I need to learn that I am allowed to have fun and spend time doing things I love, without the guilt I should be doing something else.

Anyway, this is not an MS bashing post ( I could do oodles of those if I fancied it :-)).  It's a taking me in hand post.  I am now working on a 20 min breakups of my day.  I figure I can focus on one thing for 20 mins until the overwhelmness has gone and I feel on top of things again.  So my day is broken down into 20 min chunks.  20 mins of housework/20mins of doing something fun/housework etc.  I have made a start (albeit later in the day than I would have done if I had thought of it earlier :-))

So here goes

10.00-10.40 Placing a Internet Shopping Order
10.40 - 11.00 Playing with Anni B
11.00-11.20 Washing Up (there is still a mountain)
11.20-11.40 Blog post writing (this one, 2 mins left)
11.40-12.0 0 one pile of stuff/junk/treasures in living room
12.03-1.00 Lunch hour
1.00-1.40 Ironing
1.40-2.00 Blogging (reading and adding to mine)
2.00- 3.00 Catching up with a friend
3.00 - 3.30  Dog Walking
3.30- 4.00 Ok, I admit, I then vegged out for 30 minutes
4.00-  Washing up, making tea, playing with Anni, spending time with H.

and RELAX - well I need to pack up some parcels, wrap some presents, make some cards, crochet a blanket for Anni B so it's not a sitting on sofa kind of evening!

Making me HAPPY this week

I'm starting early this week.  As I think of things I'm jotting them down so it's easier on Sunday!!!! (Ok, so I only got the first 2 sorted!).

1) Cake and I didn't make it.  Thanks Mum.  It was lovely and you can make it again PLEASE.
(Pic taken on H's new phone and on the cartoon setting - the original may have been a little out of focus)

2)  Getting my wool order.  I accidentally ticked "will collect" instead of please deliver and they were so fast to contact me to double check and then post out to me.  I love the Stylecraft yarn, it's a little softer than the cheaper stuff I am using to learn to crochet (and you can buy it for only 19p dearer than the cheapest stuff, if you buy online), so win-win in my opinion.

The wool at the bottom is to make a crochet blanket for our bed - I dare say I will need more.  The rest is to make gifts so I can't say more.  Who'd have known a wool delivery could be such a happy day in my house.


3) Hubby managed to do 2 full days at work this week, in a row.  It helped that he had 2 days off for Bank Holiday, and then his day off but he managed it.  It's been a long time coming and he was so proud of himself - bless him.  We both hope the end is in sight and he'll be back to his normal service shortly!!!!!



4) Date night.  We try and have a date night once a week.  This usually takes the form of a takeaway and a film.  This week there was no film but I did cook for a change.  It can be difficult to plan a night out when you have no idea of energy levels due to H's MS, so we try and get round it by planning "us" time regardless.  This means, no Internet time and time to talk.  Last night we remembered how nice it was to sit at the dining table, so we will be doing it more often.  It's the small things.



5) Hubby needing a cake, yes he NEEDED a cake yesterday.  What kind of wife would I be if I didn't try and make his life a little better?  (and it's helped Mum and Dad decide  to come down and walk Anni this afternoon so they can have a piece too........)

 Oh I was so tempted to shove his face into it. If only I had been closer eh love?