Sucks, sucks and sucks

I have been desperately wanting to blog but first my head wasn't in the right place and then I had to make sure that friends who read this blog were told before I published here.

So the news about Mum isn't good.  She has stage 4 cancer (the worst) in her liver and the little bugger has gotten into both lungs.  We've been told that the Dr's can only manage it and can't get rid of it.  She started Chemo today, to give her as much time as possible.  She is not ready to give in and I am not ready for her to give in.  We had a date to go wig shopping - I am trying to convince her that this is her chance of going for a Mohican but I am not so sure that she is buying my reasoning..... just think of the smiles she'd spread with her when she goes for more chemo.

We all went out for a lovely meal last week and then Sunday lunch at Mum's this past Sunday.  H struggles to visit most houses- steps to get in, laminate floors to slip on, no downstairs loo etc and he did look tired, but with a 2 hour sleep he managed to stay til after tea.  Anni had a sleep over with Grandma and Grandad but H and I kept looking for her when we got home.  It's odd but when you have a dog you do get into your habits and just cause she's elsewhere doesn't mean you remember to change your habits.  H got up in the morning to let her out.... D'oh.  Mind I asked an invisible Anni if she wanted to go out before I went to bed.........

The House move is still on and no idea when we'll actually move.  Our sellers were asked a list of questions on 5th Feb and my Solicitor received answers late yesterday.  I am still waiting for news.  How long do these things take?  There must be a better way forward.  I think we have been held up as the seller can't find paperwork for the sunroom (AKA converted garage).  We suspect there isn't any but rather than admit it, she's been avoiding the issue completely.  I am hopeful we are nearly there now and we may be able to agree a date next week.

We do have news on the ill health retirement application - kind of.  The Occupational Health department rang today and have all the paperwork they need to complete the paperwork.  We may hear something soon.

So lots of nothing and sadness.

We've also had some happiness.  Friends we met on holiday years ago, have sent flowers, chocolate and hand knitted cowls.  They are also going to come up when we move to get stuck in the unpacking and helping us settle.  I am so pleased about this, as I was planning on leaving things in boxes as much as possible whilst we can clean the place from top to bottom.  I have chosen the wallpaper for the bedroom (the grottiest room) and the craft room (small room upstairs) so we'll at least 2 nice spaces to live in.

and at least someone is settled!!!!!!

Day 6 Contentment

Oh, we have had words today.  One of us was too excited and hurt the other one.  One shouted in pain and the other was instantly sorry.  Then the one which was hurt felt really guilty and shared her food with the other..................

Now, we have contentment - phew.

I have a dog curled at my feet, and she has her babbit - pure contentment!

PS I did not eat her food!!!

Please let me have a Malteser

Our Anni is not a typical Lab and yet she is.  She is not typical as she is afraid of everything.  She is, because food rules her life!!!!!  The following photos were her attempts to get H to de-chocolate a Malteser so she could have the inner crunchy bit!!!!

He didn't share, but boy did she do her best to try and convince him to :-)

Making me HAPPY

Hello,

Apologies for the lack of a holiday post but we've had problems with the camera.  Now sorted so I should be able to update this week.

In the meantime, things making me happy this week;

1) Collecting Anni from the kennels.  I would love to say that she was happy to see me - but she went into submissive position until I spoke - my tan must have frightened her :-)  She DRAGGED me up the hill to get home quicker, so I think she was happy to see me really!!!!

2) Baking.  I made a cake for my M-I-L's Birthday.  Chocolate cake with a cream and orange filling and a chocolate topping with broken chocolate digestives.  She seemed very happy with my choices.

3) Actually getting us all on a photo - without anyone gurning!!

4) M opening her Birthday present.  I even learnt a new pattern for her!!!  I didn't see her reaction, but I have evidence that she loved it :-)

5)  I read 10 books on holiday - the lowest amount I have ever read and there were so many in the hotel that I wanted to read, I brought 5 home with me!!!!  The one below is one I brought home and I LOVED IT.  I have read Liane Moriarty books before and I have loved one and thought one was ok.  This one is definitely in the LOVED category.  Kept me guessing until very close to the end.

I'm Walking in Sunshine

Now I'm walking on sunshine, whoa
I'm walking on sunshine, whoa
I'm walking on sunshine, whoa
And don't it feel good
(Katrina & the Waves)

Oh how happy blue skies and sunshine make me.  Don't you find that it raises your spirits - even if they are already pretty high?  I do love blue skies, not sure if this is down the sunshine or the fact that my favourite colour is blue!!!

My Mum & Dad took Anni and I up to Shipley Glen again yesterday for a walk.  It's been the first time this year that it has been nice enough to go!!!  Can you believe that?  We have to wait until a warm day as Anni can not resist going for a swim at the river at the bottom of the glen....  It pulls her in, not her fault at all, pointless resisting it really :-)

I have a video but it won't upload and I didn't get any photos of her swimming, this is her with the stick she decided would be perfect to chase in and out of the river.

My parents love spending time with Anni, and giving her back at the end of the walk!!!!  In return Anni LOVES my Dad, in fact yesterday is the first time she ignored my Dad to walk quicker to the river with me - I still can't quite believe she'd prefer me to my Dad (though to be fair, she preferred the river to my Dad!).

 See the spaniel in the photo below?  He was so friendly, Anni did the whole oh a scary dog thing that she sometimes does.  But he was so friendly - in fact he flung himself down at my feet, rolled onto his back and lay there until I tickled his belly.

Do you see the moody sky in the distance?  It looked like that for pretty much most of the journey.

and yet everywhere else looked like this;

and we've reached the river again

I wonder if she can resist this time?  And She's off.  It is so nice to see her in the distance, when we first got her she wouldn't leave your side.

and then at the end of the walk, a great little cafe - they even sell dog biscuits.

C'mon share.  I'll just shove my head up to convince you that you need to share with me.

 I win!

 

Hello, who else can I hit?

 ooh dog biscuits

 don't mind if I do.

OOh, I've had a good day.  I love it.

 Me too, Anni, me too - especially when I get lemon cake with my hot chocolate.

and breathe

We tried and tried and tried and have had to admit defeat.  I haven't been up to blogging this week, just too tired to think straight.  If you are squeamish, don't read on - I have done my best to be general and not give details :-)

H had his medication changed for his MS a few weeks ago.  The new medication was meant to give him a 50% improvement in his life and it meant no more injections so he was eager to do it.  All was going well until day 14 when it all started to go horrendously wrong.  He came home from work early with "side effects" (much nicer than reality).  These "side effects" were joined with sickness which happened every time he ate.  When he was tired, his legs stopped working so he had to sleep on the floor for a few hours until he had enough energy to help me get him up.  I did not sleep for 2 nights.  He kept going until Thursday morning.

Eventually we spoke to the MS Nurse (who is a god send) and with the specialists agreement it has been decided that he is better going back onto the injections.  Apparently he is the only one so far who can't tolerate the new medications -he always was awkward.

Then on Thursday night Anni started to limp rather badly. I was so worried.  Then suspicious.  We couldn't agree which leg she was limping on - until we discovered that she forgot to do it if no was was watching or if she had food or toys in front of her.  The little Grrrrrr had decided that she didn't like H getting all the attention so was putting it on.

So this week I have discovered that my needs are below H's and the dogs.....................  what have you discovered this week???????

Want to know a little more about how MS effects your energy levels?  There is a great explanation here  The Spoon Theory

Being Thankful

I thought I'd change my regular Sunday post (there are only so many times that walking the dog, meeting a friend can make me happy).  I was thinking this over in my head last night and was eager to get writing, then we had a bad night and I've had a little cry and I wasn't going to bother.

BUT we all have bumps in the road and if I wasn't so tired with so much to get on with then I probably wouldn't even have had a cry, so I am trying to get back on track.

I am THANKFUL for my parents, supporting us as much as they do.  They drive me places when I need to go somewhere, they go with me if I don't want to do it by myself and they come and walk Anni with me so I get some company each week - though I suspect they'd do the latter anyway as they love Anni and love giving her back when she's all wet and muddy!!!!

I am THANKFUL that my Mum is still with us and we like spending time together.  A few years ago you would never have read that here, but times change and events change us and thankfully we came out as friends.

I am THANKFUL that I have Anni B.  She keeps me sane on a bad day and makes me laugh on a good day.  I swear she has a human brain in her head, at least she seems to when there is food about.

I am THANKFUL for my friends, they let me deal with H's MS (which can make me so unsociable), they drag me out when I'd otherwise stay home.  It doesn't matter if I see them every week, month or year.  They are still there.

I am THANKFUL that I have my crafts.  I think crochet has kept me sane.  When H is asleep at 8pm and I am sat alone with Anni curled up, I can crochet away and not feel too lonely.  Well, until she decides I've done enough and wants to put her head on my knee.............

I am THANKFUL that I love books.  I'd hate not to be able to read for any reason.  I can go to a charity shop and buy a book and I am happy.

and lastly, I am THANKFUL for my Hubby.  We may have an uncertain future with his MS (and I have to learn not to worry so much) but we have each other, a great sense of humour (and yes we need it), and love for each other.  I wouldn't swop you for the world- well I may hesitate if George Clooney arrives with a huge bag of chocolate oranges - but you'd understand that, wouldn't you?

New Beginnings

Well the time has come.  Hubby has FINALLY got a delivery date for his new meds.  We have waited a long time to get approved for these meds, and it's taken over a month for the paperwork to be done so we should get a delivery on Friday.  Now, there are a lot of potential side effects for H but we hope, we so hope that the benefits will far outweigh them.  These meds have a 50% chance of modifying the lesions in his brain and spine, shrinking them which is turn improves his general health and makes the chances of a relapse so much smaller.

When you live with MS, you have a constant worry that something will go wrong.  A leg will grow wobbly and he'll fall over, his fatigue will mean he's not capable of driving to work, he'll grow wobbly at the top of the stairs, that he is so tired he is incapable of making a simple decision.  I find it exhausting to always be on the go to make the choices to keep things safe for him.  So I am so hopeful that it will take away some of my worry so that I can focus on myself a little - that'd be so good!!

On another note, I walked Anni in the woods today and it was actually sunny and not so cold (well when I was hiding in a hollow!)  She does love to chase sticks - where do dogs get that from?  We never gave her sticks as a puppy, yet when she grew up a little she started to search them out.

C'mon throw me more sticks, I need sticks.

I love the old trees, all those odd limbs, reaching for the skies.

Keeping Warm

The boiler/radiators are still having issues and it is driving us mental now.  The pressure in the boiler went dangerously high and the safety value didn't work so we had to turn it all off again.  Dad managed to fix it (thanks Dad) but the heat will now only heat certain radiators - Grrrrrr.

I think someone discovered a way to stay warm though.

She sure does love that duvet!  Not sure what she'll do when it gets put away.  Can you see she is actually smiling in the photo below?

I managed to get her looking at me the other day when she was sat in front of her Puppy picture.  She's a little bigger now.  Anyone know how I can get rid of her green eye? 

Playing in the snow

I love the snow, did you know that?  Did you know that the scaredy cat which is Anni also loves snow.....  well she is never so sure to start with, especially when it dares to fall on her.... how dare it....  but when she's off lead and is allowed to play she goes absolutely mental and charges all over the place.  We had plenty of snow on Wednesday and it was a real pleasure taking her for a walk.

Snow.......

C'mon chase me

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Think I love snow now.

 In the last photo she'd spotted 2 people getting off of the bus and she was convinced they were my parents, so off she charged to say hello (Mum she was sooooo disappointed it wasn't you!).

Dave thinks the final shot was some weird attempt to capture footprints -not that the dog was having so much fun, she was off.  She's just about in the photo!!!!!!!